The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 473
Production Info The Check-In * Dr. Colbert discusses the election day special ** he will be mentoring His Jewish Friend to meet some community service requirements * Dr. Colbert recommends Republicans move to Ohio ** and hire some college kids to help you move and lock them in the trunk Intro Election Eve * Dr. Colbert started the show performing a yoga position ** stretching the old hammies * Election Eve * macaroni salad and Tums for John McCain ** leave pamphlets linking Obama to Bill Ayers * Some results we know already * 2008 Campaign Winners And Losers * winners ** mindless chants ** if it couldn't be reduced to three syllables *** it's worth chanting ** foreclosed homes ** offshore oil ** bartlet pears * Losers ** The Letter "G" ** Guggenheim ** goucho pants *** only W was used less often ** Next president should send all "G" to Guantanamo Uantanamo * winners ** numbers *** They were everywhere ** Sesame Street had best political coverage Numbers And Their Bias * founder chief editor Cook Political Report, Charlie Cook ** why should Stephen should care? *** That's how people keep score ** No one cares about numbers, every poll shows it * numbers are biased ** have a liberal agenda * he predicts it will be real, real big ** unwinnable race for John McCain *** Obama will win by a healthy margin ** this proves he is biased * numbers are in the tank for Obama * Cook advises politicians to steal all the votes you can! How To Be A Maverick * John McCain & Sarah Palin will win, because they are Mavericks ** she is a maverick, she will run in 2010 * How To Be A Maverick ** they don't do what's expected ** spontaneity ** don't listen to authority * The word "Maverick" came from a Texas cattle baron ** unbranded, uneaten cow # Don't follow the rules # There are no rules 1. Actions speak Louder than words, unless they're "I'm A Maverick!" * Mnemonic device: Assertive Strong Surprising Honorable Opinionated Leader nErd * Yodeling while an elephant is being born Interview * Andrew Sullivan ** supporting Obama, because tomorrow is opposite day * why are conservatives telling people to vote for Obama * he claims the Bush Amdinistaion was not conservatives ** but it would be conservative to keep things the same way * wants to bring calm, reason, prudence to American government * doesn't think there is enough Xanax to calm McCain down * likes to win wars, not lose them ** wants to beat al qaeda *** fought them dumbly ** win moderate Muslims * tried to interrupt Stephen twice, after yelling at him! * he can't believe bin Laden is still running around * the difference between Sullivan and Colbert ** Sullivan is n ot willing to believe ** Stephen can suspend his disbelief * he cannot vote, he is a limey bastard ** the English don't have plumbers, they have Loo Mechanics * Sullivan hates Sarah Palin ** claimed it showed he wasn't serious *** showed how basey McCain is * there is no fry station at the White House * Sullivan believes the American people will win tomorrow (eleciton day) ** but Stephen isn't running anymore! Epilogue * tomorrow is the election ** Democrats vote in two days * Stephen will get his prayer on ** praying hat ** chips ** (guacamole) dip *** thous shalt not eat just one ** prayer hands * Dear Lord; :Voting is the most precious freedom, please make people choose the candidate I want! :And keep an open mind about the poptart tree! * Dr. Colbert has spent nearly 2 years telling people what to think, now go vote! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments